“It’s Okay to talk to yourself.”
“It’s Okay to ask yourself questions,” she’d go on to say, “It’s even okay to answer yourself. But…”
(Always a dramatic pause here) “If you have to repeat the question, then there’s a problem.”
I talk to myself all the time.
And truthfully, more than once I’ve repeated the question.
When Marcus was a toddler, with his first little steering wheel toy, I witnessed the mirror that is parenting. You see, he already knew that driving involved not only controlling the wheel for turns and control, but also tapping it with your thumbs to the music on the radio or…just because.
Also, driving entails talking. Every time he sat to “play car” he babbled on in his own language.
What? Clearly this is all part of the driving process.
He got older and more aware of cultural norms, so one day on our way home he asked me, “Who are you talking to?”
“Oh. Um, myself?”
He didn’t judge. And I tried to keep my vocalized rants to a minimum.
Marcus doesn’t talk out-loud to himself in public, but he is sometimes caught moving his lips. So many years ago when I asked, “What are you thinking about?” he gave a new name to this genetic predisposition while holding his flat palm towards me (the international teen and young adult signal for “stop asking me questions,”) he said: “My brain is busy.”
A Busy Brain…
Doesn’t that just say it all? This quickly stuck as a very popular phrase in the Sikora household. A busy brain can be a plus, when your mind is pulsing with new ideas and inspiration. Or it can be a curse, preventing sleep or focus.
The latter is the problem I’m facing right now. So much news, opinions, information, and frankly crap, around and available to me, I’m having a hard time processing and then focusing on what is important to my goals and my family.
What am I doing about this? Well, adding my voice to the noise, of course. My original next line: “All of these years I’ve been quiet,” may not be what those nearest to me would say, but now that we are here in the internet sphere we’re definitely not going to be quiet.
The psychology of attribution (very succinctly explained here) is why I’m talking on-line. If I offer the chance to get to know my son, maybe folks will be less likely to be afraid of him (or his representation). If I can get people to relate to Marcus (which is easy to do, btw) then maybe they will be more inclined to accept what he has to offer.
There are many many many many…many reasons why I have avoided doing a blog. Many. I’m trying to work around them and in some cases, ignore them. My busy brain does not help me in this area. Maybe if I talk to you, new invisible friends, like I’m talking to myself, I can overcome my fears and get something good done.
And if you have any questions, feel free to repeat them.
Down Syndrome Uprising is hosting a blog hop about advocacy and here I am just talking to myself about trying to make our own small change – check out all these awesome families Making Change!
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