The Center of the Cycle is Loving

Currently and As Always…

loving, craving, demanding, questioning, worrying

#TBT Post

Loving. From the moment I met him, and each day since, I marvel at the miracle that is Marcus. At times I muse at how he doesn’t look like me, or much like the child, I thought I would have created. No. He looks just like him. He does in so many ways act like the child I thought I’d have, he’s dramatic and funny and creative. And more than anything, he is loving. He is loving, forgiving, and tender. Everything begins and ends with loving.

Then there’s the craving. Craving means, “A powerful desire.” Yes, I crave peace of mind. I crave safety for my son and everyone who is vulnerable in our world. Annnd*

Is it so demanding that I want my son to be given a chance? The option to participate and be a part of the community in work as I previously wanted in his education? Or just a little bit more patience from a listener when he has decided to share his thoughts. What is demanding and what is simple empathy and common sense? Yes, for basic rights, I am demanding. I’m not sorry about that.

I am in a constant state of questioning: what’s next? What can be done? What can we learn? Where are the opportunities? I find I less often ask why? (or why not?) and more often ask how? at this stage of the game. Questions about medical conditions, research, and treatments. Questions about opportunities, how to find them or make them.

Worrying. Yes, I am a worrier. I suppose I always have been. I think when people look at pictures of me as a child and say, 7 going on 30, what they see in those eyes already is worry. I’ve perfected it. If worrying were an Olympic sport, I’d have traveled the world. Or, maybe not. Because, well, the worrying. As a parent, I worry about health and safety first and foremost. Then I worry about helping Marcus to reach his potential. In a nutshell, I worry about his well-being and his future. What parent doesn’t?

But the center is and always has been: loving. Every worry is worthwhile, every fight and every challenge, every demand either met or denied, every question asked and lesson learned, everything, everything comes back to loving.

*Funny, I wrote this post, Sept. of 2014, and this is as true today as it was then. One exception, I edited “crave” a little; there is more I crave for and with Marcus – his current goals and dreams of what’s next. New challenges that require new supports I am navigating…slowly..as we continue to grow and learn.

I’m sharing posts today with a new set of friends for February’s #LoveBlogChallenge prompt: Balance from Bella Brita. Check it out, read around and add yours!

What is your currently? How do you balance loving, craving, demanding, questioning, and worrying?