speak the truthThere is a sign that I think of often.

It says, “Speak the Truth, Even if Your Voice Shakes.”

On Saturday I joined in with other local writers from the Fine Lines Journal who read our works out-loud. Poetry, prose, short stories – I decided to read my blog about “The Good Life,” as this event was the day after World Down Syndrome Day.

I stood with the microphone in one hand and my typed words in the other. I began, as they say, innocently enough. I made the reference to having to explain why you live where you do, and I saw acknowledgment within the group. Marcus and Quinn stood behind the assembled audience. Many faces nodded politely and each appeared accepting and expectant.

Then, as I read on, the shaking did not impact my voice but instead my limbs. My right hand gripped the microphone. However, my left hand shook. It shook so hard that soon, I couldn’t read the paper with my words.

Tricky.

So a friend and the facilitator, David Martin, stood and held the page for me so I could finish reading. Weird. I felt embarrassed and frankly, a little confused. My friend Rebecca, a wise and beautiful author (who by this time next year you all will have “heard of”) commented:   

Why did I lose my cool? Why, on this moment, did I tremor uncontrolled?

 

What is this hard-won scary truth?

It is this: I love my son and our life is beautiful.

Essentially, that’s what I was trying to tell these open faced listeners who came to hear poetry and stories and anecdotes.

Why did it get hard to say? Was it when I noticed when people’s looks change from, “That’s nice.” To: “I’m sorry for you.” Ugh.

Mardra and MarcusWas it when I tried to relate all of the love within me to the life that comes from the rising sun?

I asked that people try to see the light that comes from Marcus. Was it that I want to beg people to be open to his humor and his creativity…and yet I see they look only at me?

Do they understand? Can they understand? And who am I to think I can reach them?

Is there a more hard-won scary truth than love? I guess not. I guess that’s why.

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