On Becoming Marcus’ Mother

The sun shone in through the small hopper window near the ceiling. I woke up slowly and watched the sun beams that drifted to the floor. I knew it. I was a mother. From the outside I did not look…ready.

In my heart, I was. I smiled. I quit smoking.

The next week I went to the Doctor’s office for a pregnancy test. I didn’t bother buying one from the store because, well, as I said – I knew.

The test came back negative. The nurse and I spoke a bit about why I thought I was pregnant, her head shook dismissively as she wrote in the chart. I began eating lemons, friends looked at me and shrugged. Three weeks later I bought a pregnancy test at the drug store and it confirmed my knowledge. I returned to the doctor.

2020-06-14T08:30:36-05:00Categories: Grown Ups & Downs|Tags: , , , |14 Comments

I Cried Every Year on My Son’s Birthday

Baby!I cried when he turned one and I knew heart surgery was on the horizon. I cried when he turned five and we were fighting with the public schools. When he turned 11, and…Why did I cry when he turned 11?

I sat next to my dad and said, “My birthdays don’t bother me. His make me a wreck.”

“That’s because you’re getting old.” My father suggested with his normal tact and compassion.

Living Like We’ve Got 100 Junes

Hey June,

I’m not ready for you yet!  I had so many good intentions for May, and yet the bills are still scattered on the dining room table, because my office is still in disarray, and even the rebounder trampoline is still covered in papers I meant to get to. Get To. (Sigh)

Ah but June…

I am typing this from my back porch with the birds chirping away. The breeze is ever so slight. There’s not a cloud in the sky and I’m sitting in the shade from a giant cottonwood. My neighbor’s dogs start

Our Amazing Adventure

To my son

Sometimes, the dreaming, the planning, and the anticipation that build up a destination are all part of the excitement. Other journeys take unexpected turns, are filled with surprising delights, and have anxious moments. They lead us out of our comfort zones, seeing, touching, and exploring worlds new to us. Our journey so far, has been both.

Soon you will turn 27, and I feel as blessed as ever to be on this amazing adventure with you.

The day you were born, I held you in my arms and our path

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