Candlelight Vigil at the College of St. Mary’s

Going into dark places

Much can and is said about how writing or talking about the darkest places can lead to healing. I have a habit of holding on to anger, fear, and all those unhealthy emotions, with the thought I can use them as some sort of shield that will protect me from future bad-stuff. Years ago I did have some success with a therapy method I call “blinking therapy.” It’s kind of a step-up from hypnosis, at the time it was a “new” concept used primarily for patients of PTSD.

The therapist moved a pencil back and forth within my line of vision.

He says a word, you say a word, he asks, you answer. For some reason, this takes you deeper into the places just chatting won’t take you. Somehow, you allow your mind to fall into the tunnel of your being and confess the event. Somehow, and this is the crazy-cool part, once this memory is dug from the depths of your own darkness, it is freed. You are freed from it. That specific dark bit doesn’t live inside of you anymore.

One particularly successful session involved the memories surrounding Marcus’ heart surgery. I walked back through the waves of emotion I barely let myself feel when all my greatest fears swirled over and around me, I could only see one step ahead of me and I rationed the oxygen to my lungs.