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Once upon a time, three friends went to lunch. They chatted in pursuit of solving the problems of the world and hypothesizing their place in it, as friends at lunch are prone to do. In what is often the triangle of lady friends, their summed up personalities were these: the moderator, the know-it-all, and the undecided.
*Welcome to a #TBT post. originally published July of 2013*
These women were young, unattached to life’s burdens and at the crux of their futures.
When the question of children arose, all three looked forward to the experience. Surely each would commandeer, partner, or follow lovingly along (whatever the case may be) into marriage and family.
“What if you found you were to have a disabled child?”
The question floated among them.
Undecided held her ground. She was unsure and would remain that way.
The know-it-all answered quite plainly, “No. This will never happen. Abort without a second blink.”
And the moderator, she hesitated, then came forth with, “Yes. I believe I would have the child and do the best I could.”
As is the case with friends, no judgments were made and the conversation carried along into other plans and issues.
Years later
These three women did in fact have families, and they all bore beautiful perfect children. Life went along as planned.
Until the day one of the children became trapped and mutilated from a terrible car crash. Cut from the vehicle and flown swiftly to the nearest trauma hospital, the sweet innocent child was changed.
The once bright and perfect girl would have to relearn all that the brain injury took from her. The future became newly uncertain. They all held their breath while the child slowly, painfully, became alive again before their eyes.
The girl’s mother carried her and fed her. She nursed her daughter’s wounds then, as the bandages were taken away, re-imagined their life’s path. Without hesitation, she stood tall, her child was worth fighting for.
Together they learned a new future in a new way. Together they celebrated milestones long since taken for granted.
Together they learned she was not such a know-it-all after all.
This is a true story friends. It says much to me, what does it say to you?
**Update – from the friend who told me this story: “You told the story beautifully. However, there is more to the story than I told at first. Undecided had five children. When number four was born, there was obviously something wrong. She told the pediatrician that something was wrong, but the pediatrician said that ‘No, the child is fine.’ I saw the child and knew something was wrong. When the child was two months old, mom took him to the hospital. Nine days later the child died, still in the hospital. The doctor’s don’t know why he died and said ‘failure to thrive.’ Moderator had a little boy first. He was born 10 weeks early and his lungs weren’t developed. God took him when he was 10 days old. Moderator also had 3 miscarriages. Moderator would gladly love any child God was willing to send her. God did send her three beautiful girls to raise. Determined not to raise a special needs child was the only one of the three who God actually gave the challenge to. She did a beautiful job raising the little girl.”
Of course in truth, you can see all three friends faced challenges, moments very difficult to bear, as seems to be the case with the human condition.
What lessons can we take from this, if any at all?
Very thought provoking blog post Mardra. I think people are much more capable of handling life’s agony than they give themselves credit for. To live with integrity and dignity, people would need to be able to make decisions that allow them to look themselves in the mirror. When you screw up and don’t, you have to find a way to handle that as well. Life is beautiful and crappy and fun and mundane all at the same time or at varying times and finding a way to understand that there truly aren’t constants in life is the key to surviving.
And it’s surprising, at the end of the day, what we actually find beautiful and crappy and fun and mundane compared to what we expected those moments to be.
Thank you Jennifer.
People never know what they can and will be able to do until they’re faced with it. That we think we know, it’s a bit ridiculous. Oh, we can “know” (think we know) what we’ll do if faced with a terrible disease, a financial crisis, or zombie attack, but all we can really do is guess…and hope we’ll do our best and not break.
So, I get confused when people think they would never be able to handle a special needs child. First, why would we ever think the worst of ourselves? Second, LOVE gets in the way and can turn upside down everything you ever thought.
And, I have to know: The Marcus drawing…who are the three people and what are they doing/sitting on/laying on?
I’ve never seen the head/hair/hat the person on the left has.
LOVE it.
I asked Marcus to draw me three ladies at lunch.
This is what I got.
I love it too!
The ancient Greeks told myths that the gods would give everyone from a collection of sorrows in life, and most people would also receive from the store of joys — but not all. I think the underlying truth is we can’t choose what challenges we will face but we can choose how we handle them. Great stuff.
My aunt Kathie Miglioccio has 38 children. 8 biological and the rest adopted. All children that no one wanted. All with disabilities from Down’s to paraplegic and more. Every one of them a joy. 🙂
Wow! What a commitment.